Wednesday, June 23, 2010

from the dating trenches...

as the only young & single member of my department at work, my slightly older, engaged/married/otherwise attached colleagues get endless entertainment from the horror stories that make up my dating life. i've regaled them with tales of dates with pirates (more accurately: a guy that texted me the day before our first meeting with "ahoyy", then invited me to meet for a drink at a nice restaurant at 6pm and proceeded to say he "wasn't hungry". but i digress), a gorgeous man with a gorgeous name who stood me up and then misdirected a text meant for a friend to me - saying "totally stood up"), and embarrassingly AWFUL emails like the one i'm about to present you with.

unfortunately - or maybe fortunately for me - many of these numbskulls have no clue who they're dealing with when they send a lame-o email or use pirate-speak in casual conversation. i'll blog about yo' ass. and now, i give you...perhaps the worst online dating email of all time.
I'm _____.
It'd be nice to talk to you and see whats up ? 

I play guitar adn play out at times here n there . I write , I cook and travel, even if its on ly a couple towns away to walk around. I am working on a blue print on a music and arts resturant. I Work in collections at the moment but I‘m a Cook and a Musician... But watch your sears ,credit one or walmart credit if you have them lol i might have to call one day. I talk to all kinds of people around the states . I'm all over the place with music ,art and historic places. 

I 'm very comfortable with myself and my thoughts and i'm openminded. I drive, skate, ride, make and play music. Never really thought to much about the online dating thing.. but im outgoing,extremely driven and looking to have fun and live life w/ someone and see where it leads us . ttyl ____

IS THIS REAL LIFE? a few things here stood out to me, atrocious spelling and grammar aside: 
  • I play guitar adn play out at times here n there. shows? in the park? at the stop and shop on wednesdays? 
  • dude, i love to travel too, but let's not kid ourselves: driving to downtown salem and wandering doesn't really fit the bill.
  • what is a "music and arts restaurant"? french fries shaped like treble clefs? 
  • sears and wal-mart credit cards, LOOK OUT! thanks for reminding me that i'm delinquent on my payments for those 12-packs of sam's choice cola.
  • I'm all over the place with music ,art and historic places.  i can't even.
  • bonus points for the random capitalization. did you know that "Work", Cook", and "Musician" are all proper nouns, and wal-mart and sears are not?! the more you know...
feel free to share your own horror stories. i can't be the only one. 


  1. You're not the only one... we've had this conversation before. You've seen one of my horrible ones.

  2. oh god, i know it! we've gotta stay strong, sister :)

  3. I really like this guy, but for all the wrong reasons. He makes it easier for the rest of us.

    I, in fact, am all over the place with my keys, thermos and dictionary.

    The more blogs I read, the more obvious it is that people don't take our language very seriously.

    Thanks for this Kim. Fun stuff.

  4. haha! your comment re: keys, thermos & dictionary made me LOL (really). and i completely agree. i take it on as a personal challenge to expose these language-ruiners and call them out. :)