Thursday, December 11, 2014

death to the slow fade!

gather 'round, kids! today, we're going to talk about some awful phenomena that seem to pervade today's dating culture: "ghosting" and its evil, heinous twin, the "slow fade."

first, let's look at what we're dealing with here. urban dictionary defines "ghosting" as the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. while the "slow fade" is when someone is lacking in readiness, or willingness to accept a budding relationship and therefore institutes this passive aggressive method of disappearing from a relationship altogether over an extended period of time.

i think it's important to note that in cases where you go on one date with someone and neither of you reach out, that's not ghosting. neither is a hookup where you both agree that this is just a solitary occurrence. but after you've been out a couple times (or have been dating for weeks or months) and CERTAINLY after you've acquired carnal knowledge of this person, vanishing into the night just makes you look like a douchecanoe. really, it does. come onnnn, bro.

(this one goes out to the ghosted gals out there.)

yes, i've been ghosted, and yes, i've been slow-faded. make no mistake, both are absolutely despicable behaviors, and can make even the most confident girl go completely britney-in-2007 cray-cray and want to throw her phone into the ocean. it's really not pretty, but slow-fading is truly the worst of the worst. instead of being ignored completely, you get occasional, teeny-tiny breadcrumbs from the other person that make you feel like you could be overreacting. "maybe they really are just busy!" you think. "i mean, they DID say they wanted to get together, but we didn't talk about specifics ... maybe i'll hear from him tonight!" you think. and then, you snap out of it and your rational brain goes "bitch, get real! he hasn't even liked any of your instagram photos in 3 weeks."

i don't care where you're from, or how you were raised. in no universe should it be acceptable to let another human being -- one you have presumably spent an enjoyable period of time with AND have probably seen nekkid -- just disappear from view, like a TV show you got sick of watching and decided to abandon halfway through the season. grow a pair, put on your big boy pants, and just holla at yo' girl to let her know that you don't wanna holla at her no more, okay? you don't even have to call! and i'm guessing you're probably not the "phone call type" if you're pulling these shenanigans to begin with. regardless, a simple text that says "hey, not feeling this anymore, but i hope you find someone great" will do. you don't have to explain why. and if the other party presses, just make something up if you don't want to get into it. i guarantee that a white lie will go over much better than silence ... or a lame text response that comes a week later. why even bother, y'know? 

while reading up on this stuff on the interwebs (LOTS of interesting articles -- every word of this was my life at one point), i also came across a concept called passionate detachment. yeah, it was invented by one of those so-called dating coaches, but i can't deny that it's a great idea, and a simple one. "you are passionately open to all dating possibilities, but you’re not attached to any outcome. you don’t expect anything of your partner, and you allow your relationship to unfold naturally and at its own pace, without pushing any kind of agenda." i like the sound of that, especially when a dude could so easily disappear at a moment's notice. easier said than done, though, right?

so, while being all passionately detached, i will continue to call out the ghosts and slow faders of the world for their offenses and kindly let them know that they're being dicks. what happens beyond that, i can't control. it's probably too presumptuous to think that i've saved their next not-so-lucky lady from the agony of queasy feelings, overanalyzing, and self-doubt.

but hey, a girl can dream! 

Saturday, December 6, 2014

my top 14 songs of 2014!

it's that time again! i usually wait until a bit later in the month, but i got inspired a couple of weeks ago and just had to make my list immediately. i also usually count down instead of up, but let's get to the good stuff right away, shall we? handy-dandy spotify playlist (minus taylor swift, that drama queen) HERE.

what were your favorite songs this year?

1. bear hands - "giants"

i had a hard time choosing just one track from bear hands' excellent album distraction, but this tune won out and rose to the top for me due to the combination of frontman dylan rau's delightfully erratic delivery, a super-breezy chorus, and a reference to the late, great rapper ODB. though i'm still not sure what he "got right from the start."

2. bad suns - "transpose"

full disclosure that this one has a bit of sentimental value for me, because i completely associate it with my february trip to new orleans. but it's so good! and so catchy! i don't really know what else to say except that it's just a killer indie pop song.

3. catfish & the bottlemen - "kathleen"

i've talked about these guys a bunch this year even though i absolutely despise their name. yet, i can't deny that they make great music. just try and resist shouting along as van mccann (his real name) is all "i gotta give it to you, you give me problems!" perfect soundtrack for road rage and/or a toxic relationship. this live performance makes me chuckle because of van mccann's accent.

4. freedom fry - "the wilder mile"

more people need to hear this! it's understated, beautiful, and a little melancholy. plus, best band name ever? behind diarrhea planet, that is.

5. trey songz f/ nicki minaj - "touchin', lovin'" 

mr songz's (?) entire album trigga was a favorite for me this year, but upon my first listen, i immediately identified this song as the standout. mainly because it made me go "dayum, did he just really say that?!" the first few times i listened. and also because it made me dance in my car at least 30 times.

i recommended it to a guy i was dating over the summer when i was really obsessed with it, and his response was a stunned "this is sooo raunchy. why do you like it?" then i felt like a perv and immediately was all like, "uhhh, i just really love the beat!" (which, i mean, i do). also, i'm no longer dating that guy, so i can now openly profess my love for trey songz and his explicit r&b jams without fear of prejudice and judgment.

6. heathers - "circular road"

they're like the irish tegan and sara! if i based this list on choruses alone, i think this would take the crown.

7. the orwells - "southern comfort"

the lyrics to this song just contain so much practical wisdom. it's like a rock 'n roll how-to guide, performed by 12 year-olds (okay, they're like 20). come on: "life is better with a handful of ass, badass shades, and a bag full of grass"? pure poetry.

8. iggy azalea f/ charli xcx - "fancy"

sorry, had to. but you can't deny that no matter how much you hear this, you will instinctively say "first things first, i'm tha realest" in your most gangsta voice every. single. time. or maybe that's just me. bonus points for the video that riffs on clueless, too.

9. cathedrals - "harlem"

soooooo chill. go lay in the grass somewhere, close your eyes, and listen.

10. curtis harding - "surf"

definitely the best song i will ever shazam in a forever 21. and imagine my excitement to find out he's on my favorite label, burger records! a little bit funk, a little bit soul, a little bit rock and roll. dig it.

11. the knocks f/ powers - "classic"

a total summer jam that is perfect for any time of year. it makes me think of the beach and frolicking and flirting and being carefree and basically everything good and fun in life.

12. taylor swift - "blank space"

say what you want about t-swift, but the bitch can write a hell of a pop song. the obvious choice would be "shake it off," but i gravitate towards "blank space" because it's adorably self-deprecating and a lil' quirky. however, i will continue to sing "gotta love those starbucks lovers" instead of "got a long list of ex-lovers" because it sounds like starbucks, dammit.

13. courtney barnett - "avant gardener"

speaking of quirky, ms. barnett has cornered the market when it comes to clever, oddball lyrics. my favorite? "the paramedic thinks i'm clever 'cause i play guitar/i think she's clever 'cause she stops people dyin'." oh, courtney!

14. kid ink f/ chris brown - "show me"

never thought one of my favorite songs of 2014 would include the word "panties," but i guess i shouldn't be surprised after #5. see, i can safely hate chris brown and acknowledge that he's a terrible human being ... unless he's singing, or  dancing, or crooning that he's going to give me what i neeeeeed, yeaaaaah. then it's like:

also, the beat just makes me wanna groove.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

super-cliche thanksgiving post: what are you grateful for?

i know, i know. it's rare to see me going all "attitude of gratitude" and #blessed and deepak chopra (but real talk: i've been doing his daily meditation series with oprah and it's phenom). 

however, it seems only appropriate that i think about some of the things in my life that i appreciate the most in preparation for the upcoming turkeyfest next week. how about y'all?

  • my health. after a couple of harrowing experiences in my past (a freak monster cyst in college and emergency gallbladder surgery just two years ago), i was terrified to have my routine physical about a month ago. but everything looks fab! totally worth a happy dance, and something i've learned not to take for granted. 
  • COFFEE. yeah, it tastes like heaven, but i realized that the ritual of stumbling out of bed and over to my single-serve brewer brings me such great joy each morning. give me a full mug, a full RSS feed, and my sun-filled living room, and i'mma be alright.
  • my family. a bunch of my aunts, uncles, and cousins got together for a mini-reunion a few weeks back, and it really helped bring me out of my head and into the moment. we made dinner together and watched scary movies and competed against each other in darts, trivia, and ping pong. sounds sappy, but it was just what i needed that weekend.
  • really good songs. it always amazes me that even when i'm in the best of moods, a really poignant song can make me cry. or when i'm in the worst of moods, a really upbeat song can make me smile. like, when i went to see the new pornographers live this week, all i wanted to hear was their song "bones of an idol" because it's beautiful and grand and epic. and they played it! i may have teared up a little bit.
  • my friends. while a couple of my gal pals are married with kids now, we've established a tradition of monthly girls' nights where we all get together and eat and drink too much and gossip and analyze texts and it's basically like sex and the city without the louboutins and cougars. hos before bros, man. always.
  • traveling. it doesn't even have to be far, but just a day trip to explore a place i've never been gives me a whole new lease on life and recharges the ol' batteries sometimes. i've been really fortunate to get to see a whole bunch of cool places in my 28 years, and can't wait to see even more.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

celebs i want to party with

these folks just look like they're a good time. i would love to close down the bar and/or sing karaoke and/or have silly drunk conversations with the following individuals. how about you?

matthew mcconaughey

this one's a given, because who DOESN'T want to get weird with this man? though i'd probably make him imitate wooderson the whole night. "there's a new fiesta in the making as we speak."

jenny slate

she's a mass native, and she's also hilarious. can't go wrong!

jason segel

just seems like a really laid-back, nice dude. and he'd make me laugh and laugh and laugh.


i've always said that if i was a pop star, i'd probably end up being a mix between lady gaga and ke$ha. she's sooooo weird, meaning that any time spent with her would probably result in an epic story.

blake anderson

my favorite workaholics cast member. when i first saw him on conan one night, discussing how he broke his spine when he jumped off a roof at a party, i was all about it.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

5 things i love right now

1. this song by catfish & the bottlemen, "26"

saw these guys live last weekend, and they put on a really high-energy, tight show. couldn't understand a word of the lead singer's stage banter due to his thick welsh accent, but that was my problem and he was cute as a button, so it was fine. i love that all of their songs have super catchy melodies, but still have that raw power and a bit of an edge to them. halfway through the first verse of this tune from their forthcoming album, i had one of those "I LOVE THIS SONG" concert moments and immediately went to find it when i got home. LOL at the artwork, tho.


'nuff said. my favorite episode is "the tale of the whispering walls." still scares the crap out of me. what's yours?

3. goldenrod cardigans

in late august, i had a dream that it was fall and i was wearing a cardigan much like this one. when i woke up, i realized that i didn't own one and was deeply unhappy. i'm pleased to say that i purchased one the following week and have been wearing the hell out of it ever since. throw on a scarf with one of these babies and it does NOT get more autumn, unless you have a candy apple in your hand. which i highly recommend as well.

4. rediscovering rock of ages

did you hear about the guy that saw the musical rock of ages 500 times? first, i was confused as to why it was even a news item, since i feel like there are muuuuch stranger things that people have done 500 times. second, i was reminded of the first time i saw the glorious show (it's ok, i've only seen it twice) and promptly went on a youtube binge. keep in mind that i detest most musicals -- at least, the showtune-y ones -- so a song-and-dance show full of hair band covers and crude humor promptly shattered all stereotypes for me. i will never, EVER see the god-awful-looking movie with tom cruise. but if this number doesn't make you wanna, um, rock/quit your job and audition for a broadway musical, i'll be damned. 

simultaneously beautiful and soooooooo cute!

Sunday, September 28, 2014

my 2014 to-do list: 8-month update

totally meant to do this like, in july, but oh well. umm ... it's almost the end of the year now, and i've only completed 13 (that's 32.5%) of my 40-item list. granted, some of them were pretty big items, but i just can't finish out 2014 with less than 50%. it's unacceptable.

here are the ones i've accomplished so far:

2. visit new orleans

6. finish my book proposal

it only took 2+ years! currently querying agents far and wide.

9. visit somewhere that's haunted

everything in new orleans is haunted, so ...

10. color my hair

decided on some red balayage highlights a few weeks ago, and i'm pretty happy with how they came out.

12. dine at 5 restaurants on the eater boston 38.

jm curley, hungry mother, highland kitchen, ten tables, and bergamot. boom!

14. watch a whole tv series that i've never seen before

watched all of HBO's "silicon valley" in a weekend.

15. take the jeopardy online test

this was like 6 months ago, so i doubt i made the cut.

19. do volunteer work

it took me a second to remember what i did, because it wasn't for charity or anything. i made grilled cheese sandwiches with roxy's grilled cheese at the boston calling music festival!

20. visit martha's vineyard

21. drink a "green smoothie"

only slightly ashamed to say that i've now had more than one. like, at least a handful in recent months. they just taste like juice!

23. write to a celebrity and receive a response (online or snail mail)

i think there was another twitter-related exchange that i can't remember, but i do know that i've been retweeted by both andrew wk and ludacris this year! woo.

28. buy a plant for my apartment (and don't kill it)

ok, so the flowers are gone, but the leaves are healthy as ever! it counts.

30. reconnect with an old friend or acquaintance

i got back in touch with my old coworker, kathleen, who actually helped me conquer most of the eater boston 38 restaurants.

here are the remaining items that i think i can knock off:

4. take a cooking class
7. learn enough french to get around (being optimistic here)
11. get business cards
13. make a collage
22. overcome my eyelash-curling phobia
24. see a non-musical play
25. say "yes" to something i want to say "no" to at first
26. make my own sushi
29. participate in a scavenger hunt
31. teach myself a dance routine via youtube tutorial
33. pack a picnic lunch and eat it on boston common
34. win at pub trivia (2nd place finish twice ... come on!)
35. go to an ice bar
36. make my own pizza
37. win money from a slot machine or scratch ticket
38. send christmas cards
39. go out to dinner by myself

...and these ones will be a stretch, pending some miracles and/or assistance and/or intense effort:

1. purchase a home
3. be in a music video
5. swim in an infinity pool
16. try air bnb
17. get something i wrote published on mcsweeney's
18. go to a state fair
27. crash a wedding 
32. go sailing (or at least, on a sailboat)
40. watch 5 movies on the IMDB top 250 that i've never seen before

help, guys! 

Thursday, September 18, 2014

"anybody order a loveburger, well done?"

it's national cheeseburger day, and i love me some cheeseburgers. let's celebrate with a smattering of the best burger-related things on the internet.

this insane(ly awesome) sweatshirt.

this pimped-out ride with all the fixins.

this classic film.

this delightfully weird print.

this beefy bling.