in this strangest of years, i didn't do as much as i would have liked—who did?— but here's the big stuff that happened in brief. i: took a solo trip to LA, got laid off, co-wrote a book, made my own ice cream, baked a LOT, got another tattoo (see below), got another job, and adopted a cat.
since a tiny sliver of hope is on the horizon, i'm remaining optimistic and came up with 21 pretty realistic to-dos for '21. i'd love to hear your goals for what's hopefully a better year ahead.
1. successfully release my first book!
2. book an international trip
3. GO TO A CONCERT
4. host a celebratory dinner party
5. take a french class
6. place a piece somewhere i've never been published before
7. see a movie in a movie theater
8. read 20 9 books
9. have an indulgent, expensive, delicious meal *inside* of a restaurant
10. renew my passport
11. write a letter to myself to open in 10 years
12. make a new friend
13. find out my blood type
14. play the lottery
15. make a collage
16. learn a dance routine
17. chill in a hammock
18. stay in a beach house or cabin
19. compliment a stranger
20. visit the site of a scene from a movie or tv show
21. make pralines
and here are some best-of 2020 lists...
favorite books:
and now we have everything: on motherhood before i was ready by meaghan o'connell
oona out of order by margarita montimore
spinster by kate bolick
my misspent youth by meghan daum
acid for the children by flea
seinfeldia: how a show about nothing changed everything by jennifer keishin armstrong
we are never meeting in real life by samantha irby
alright alright alright: the oral history of richard linklater's dazed and confused by melissa maerz
favorite movies:
banana split
in a relationship
the king of staten island
straight up
favorite tv shows:
looking for alaska
shrill
the circle
high fidelity
little fires everywhere
being erica
emily in paris (it made me happy, sue me)
favorite albums:
(if you missed my favorite songs post, that's here.)
(also, harry styles would be included if his album wasn't technically released in 2019.)
the strokes - the new abnormal
momma - two of me
machine gun kelly - tickets to my downfall
hockey dad - brain candy
best coast - always tomorrow
gateway drugs - PSA
pope- the lunchbox EP
random miscellaneous things i loved:
discovering the best dancer i've ever seen in those choreography videos, a french timothée chalamet doppelgänger named andy daveiga
this documentary about '80s malls on youtube, mall city
dakota johnson's architectural digest house tour:
2020 goals in review:
1. get another tattoo: DONE
third tattoo's a charm? i took the plunge in july, after isolation made me nutty and i was struck with a major case of tattoo fever. i got the three of wands from the wild unknown tarot, which is all about adventure and exploration and life's magic, on my right inner bicep. i absolutely love this description of it:
Three wands are bound together, forming an inverted triangle. As you gaze into the center, you see a rainbow swirl. Is this a vortex? Another dimension? The future? Or something else entirely? That is for you to find out.
Branches jut out from the wands, they stand in contrast to the perfectly pruned wands we saw in the previous card. There is a juxtaposition in this card of structure and liberation: the wands come together to form a cohesive shape, yet the wands themselves are rugged, not perfectly manicured. These wands are free-spirited, yet also collected.
The background is filled with horizontal black lines, indicating a stable energy. This lack of flashiness draws your full attention to the wands, and above all else, to the colorful vision at the center. The swirling rainbow beckons you to leave behind the drab, colorless surroundings and explore all the magic life has to offer!
You are a visionary if you let yourself be one. You can look beyond obstacles. You can see beyond the mundane world. Endless terrain is out there for you to explore, if only you choose to say YES. The Three of Wands offers you a chance to survey the landscape around you. You need not rely on someone else’s map – you are exploring the wilderness for yourself, charting it according to your experience, your interpretation.
Your future is a blank canvas – and all the colors of the rainbow are available for you to create your experience going forward. There is no guarantee of exactly what you’ll find as you continue your explorations. Magic and wonder abound, yes – but illusions and setbacks are part of the journey, as well.
Some structure is useful, so give yourself a moment to survey your inner and outer landscape. The Three of Wands is about trusting your gut, but it’s also about surveying the energies around you. It is about action, yes – but it is about the kind of action that is born of intention, not impulse. The paradox here is you can only do so much planning and intention setting – eventually, you’ve just got to venture on and see where this portal takes you.
7. get a photo taken with a celebrity: DONE
and in the first three weeks of the year, to boot! i met hilary duff on the first friggin' night of my LA vacation in january, which was just about the only bright spot in this horrid year. lizzie mcguire forever.
11. meet an internet friend IRL: DONE
also in LA, i met my longtime twitter friend heather at the butcher, the baker, the cappucino maker, where we got colorful lattes and chatted for hours.
14. publish 10 humor pieces: PARTIALLY DONE
my brain was broken for most of the year, because...2020, but i managed to squeak out these three:
in a year when music was one of the only constants to cling to, there was actually an abundance of great releases, IMO. i guess angst and boredom breeds creativity, or whatever. let's get to it! full playlist for easier listening here.
short and sweet and sharp, "in repeat" is a three-minute double shot of espresso with whipped cream. wanderwild reminds me of bands like deeper or fellow georgians omni, except fronted by brandon flowers of the killers and i. fuckin'. love. it!
19. taylor swift - "the last great american dynasty"
to be honest, i vacillate wildly back and forth with miss swift; i adore 1989, i hate reputation, etc. etc. that being said, i absolutely love folklore because it focuses on her storytelling, where she always shines. "the last great american dynasty," written about heiress and socialite rebekah harkness, who previously owned taylor's mansion in rhode island, is a prime example. the imagery of lavish house parties, filling pools with champagne, and dying a dog key lime green perfectly encapsulates that feeling of over-the-top new england coastal wealth—if you've ever been to watch hill (where the mansion's located) or newport or block island, you get it. and when she switches the subject of the tale from rebekah to herself? chills.
18. the front bottoms - "montgomery forever"
"montgomery forever" is classic front bottoms: quirky, stream-of-consciousness lyrics ("i got into bed with my girlfriend/it was a stranger's bed/we fell asleep for four hours"), triumphant riff, and weird-ass spoken-word outro. it's definitely among my favorites on their latest album, in sickness & in flames, which i was actually pretty disappointed in overall. :(
17. taylor locke - "the bitter end"
when i love a band, i tend to be a long-hauler. as in, i'll devotedly follow the solo careers and side projects of every member. one case in point is rooney guitarist taylor locke, whose playing i've long admired. after rooney disbanded, he made a couple excellent power-pop records with his band, the roughs, whom i got to see at SXSW, as well as a solo effort in 2015 ("don't be a stranger" got a mention on my year-end list back then).
"the bitter end" has that breezy, summery '60s/'70s laurel canyon vibe, but there's also a, um, bittersweet, yearning quality to it that i really dig; especially with those background vocals toward the end. as louder sound put it, "it’s kinda like something tom petty might have written with jellyfish, if they’d taken a drive down the pacific coast highway together." exactly.
16. vundabar - "jester"
one of two massachusetts bands on the list this year, vundabar has been on my radar for a handful of years, i've seen them live once or twice, and i consider myself a casual fan. the duo's most recent release, either light, is my favorite thus far, with a handful of stellar tracks. this deep cut jumped out at me right away for some reason. i especially love the lazy, hazy, shuffling slacker melody, little vocal quirks, and noisy instrumental breakdown.
15. dababy f/ roddy ricch - "ROCKSTAR"
full disclosure that i first heard this in a tiktok dance challenge, but boy howdy, is it catchy! also, can we talk about how emo the lyric "full of pain, dropped enough tears to fill up a fuckin' bucket" is?! lol.
this. chorus. though. so simply, so catchy, so gooooood. 'nuff said.
13. partner - "good place to hide (at the time)"
pre-covid, i talked a fair amount of shit about opening acts, but when you discover a good one, it's SO REWARDING. such was the case with partner, a duo of canadian ladies whom i saw warm up for shamir a couple years ago at great scott. they lit up the room with their stoner stage banter, cheeky songs about being high at the grocery store, and unapologetic shredding, reminding me of a female version of natural child in their heyday. this track has major '80s rush vibes and is just a damn good time. i don't know exactly why, but 2:16-3:00 is one of the most satisfying things i've heard all year.
12. the novacs - "on top"
the novacs are basically catfish and the bottlemen 2.0 and i am extremely here for it. they're scottish, not welsh, but otherwise...almost identical. even the thematic elements are the same: a girl, getting drunk, yada yada yada. since catfish didn't release any new music this year, this is the next best thing. as they say across the pond, it's an absolute tune.
11. dan croll - "yesterday"
first of all, i lovelovelove that this song is about mr. croll meeting sir paul mccartney and being upset because he was stressed and tired and didn't say everything he wanted to or something like that. but beyond that, it's so soothing and pretty and sounds like nothing else i've heard this year.
10. eliza & the delusionals - "pull apart heart"
there's always at least one song on the list that you'd probably find on the reality bites soundtrack, and i reckon this is the one. big, crunchy guitars and a simple-yet-huge earworm of a chorus harken back to the days of juliana hatfield, letters to cleo, and liz phair with a bit of an aussie twist.
9. phantom planet - "time moves on"
will i ever get through this song without tearing up? the jury's still out. PP dropped this single right at the start of lockdown, and even though it's supposedly about lead singer alex greenwald's breakup with brie larson, the lyrics are eerily apropos for this year: "it's just the same day over and over/i mean, seasons will change/and we will get older/maybe it rains/or it's sunny weather/but when it gets bad/maybe it'll get better." it's also a perfect reminder of why i've loved phantom planet since i was in seventh grade: alex has such a knack for writing a beautiful, timeless, melodic pop song—even 18 years later, this would fit right in on the guest.
8. hannah georgas - "just a phase"
if you need a soundtrack for taking a long drive at night and/or lying down in a field and stargazing, here you go. you're welcome!
7. gateway drugs - "backroom lover"
i feel like nobody really knows about this band still, and that's a damn shame. i've been a fan since 2015's magick spells, but was so happy they finally came out with a new album because i mostly associate that first one with hooking up with a supreme asshole. speaking of which, their songs are so sexy for some reason i can't quite put my finger on. the singer's voice? the kinda-sultry, shoegazey instrumentals? whatever it is, this one in particular just makes me want to bite my lip. oh, and the record was produced by sune rose wagner of the raveonettes, so if you're a fan of them—or the jesus and mary chain, or ride for that matter—you'll love gateway drugs.
i don't know what the lyrics are actually about, but the story i've made up in my head is that it's an affair between coworkers at like, a convenience store or video rental store if those still existed, because it totally sounds like making out in a supply closet. and the line at the end, "i don't wanna see you in your sundress" is the dude being all like, "i can't stand seeing you all dressed up at the farmer's market on sunday with your boyfriend when you know we're banging in the break room." or, uh, back room. maybe? maybe.
6. machine gun kelly - "bloody valentine"
things that got me through 2020: my family and friends, music, netflix, herbal refreshments, and...machine...gun...kelly? my oh my, how things can change in only a couple of years. back in 2018, i was kind of ribbing him for his decent-but-mostly-underwhelming eminem diss track, and something about his vibe just rubbed me the wrong way. i know it sounds backwards because he's known as a rapper, but it felt disingenuous. once he switched to pop-punk, though? it feels like this is his true self. it's authentic and bright and relatable. i first starting coming around during quarantine, when his lockdown session videos piqued my interest ("in these walls," "misery business," and "smoke and drive" were favorites) and by june, i was in full-blown fangirl mode.
the entire tickets to my downfall album—especially "kiss kiss," "concert for aliens," "forget me too," and "jawbreaker"—brings me *right* back to the days of warped tour and TRL and jackass and sum 41 in such a wonderfully visceral way, it's almost mind-blowing. though, considering that MGK is only a bit younger than me, he grew up with that sound too, so it shouldn't be a huge surprise that he completely nails it. travis barker probably has something to do with that, too. honest to god, one of my happiest memories in this awful, shitty year is cruising along the lynnway, looking at the ocean on a 75-degree october day, and blasting this record.
"bloody valentine" is the best tune never released in 2005, with a soaring chorus, crisp drums, and stadium-ready "na-naaa-na"s. others ("drunk face," "my ex's best friend," "all i know") cleverly incorporate the modern pop/trap sound in a way that even this old fart loves. how do you do, fellow kids?
of all of the artists i'm dying to see live when shows return, he has inexplicably skyrocketed to the top of my list. there's really no scenario i can imagine at the moment that will feel more life-affirming and joyful and cathartic than being drunk and screaming every single lyric to every single one of these songs along with thousands of other former emo kids.
5. boyfriend machine - "one more week"
MA's own! the quarantine project of eliza young and joey distasio in amherst, this psych-rock duo immediately made a fan out of me upon my first listen to this song. the guitar tone, the melody, the deadpan verse delivery...it all just works so well. ones to watch!
4. hockey dad - "i missed out"
garage rock? yes. australians? yes. australian garage rock? sign me up, baby. hockey dad's brain candy was one of my favorite albums of the year. this is a song designed for drumming on your steering wheel, bopping your head, and screaming "TIIIIMES AWAYYY!" also, not the faintest idea what it means, but "i just got back from having my eyes peeled" has to be one of the dopest opening lyrics ever.
3. momma - "biohazard"
...and the award for the most slept-on album this year goes to two of me by momma. it's so solid from beginning to end and completely captures all of those cool, dark early-'90s grunge vibes while still remaining totally authentic; kind of crazy, considering that etta friedman and allegra weingarten are all of 21 and 22 years old. "biohazard" immediately transports me to a smoky seattle coffeehouse in 1992, which is obviously in my top 10 list of places i'd want to time travel to. and that scream! p.s. i swear the hockey dad/momma placement was completely unintentional.
2. loose buttons - "fell into a hole"
do you ever listen to a song that you know you've never heard before, but it sounds so familiar because it's just so YOU? like, sonically and mood-wise, it speaks to you on every level and makes you feel how you feel when you're at your best and your happiest and the most YOURSELF. it's like a song soulmate or something. just me?
well, "fell into a hole" is one of the most "me" songs i've ever heard in my life. it's got that early/mid-2000s indie feel along with a sunny pop sensibility that you'd find during a lighthearted teen movie montage (aka two of my favorite musical vibes). i actually LOLed when i read a stereogum review of the track that said "i promise this isn't supposed to be an insult: they remind me of one of those post-strokes bubblegum rock bands that would jockey for placement in O.C. episodes and ipod commercials. they are kids playing a cleaned-up and ultra-catchy version of hip downtown rock ‘n’ roll, like phantom planet fronted by a young, winsomely sneering alex turner. i like it!"
like i said: me as fuuuck! it doesn't hurt that it brings me back to feeling totally carefree and blissful as i traipsed through the hills of silver lake in LA shortly before everything went to shit this year, so there's that, too.
1. the strokes - "eternal summer"
the recipe for this song: combine one part psychedelic furs, one part pink floyd, one part the strokes, and one part the voidz, add a dash of daft punk, shake, and serve over ice. of all the things that got me through those daaaark fucking days of quarantine, this topped the list. and also thanks to the dark fucking days of quarantine, i'll never forget the first time i heard it: on the strokes' zoom talk show, as they went song by song on the new abnormal the night before its release. it's dorky, but it felt extremely cozy to be listening to it "with" them and hear the stories behind the tracks; a major comfort when it was so necessary. below is the "eternal summer" chat, if you care.
it grabbed me right away and i wanted to listen to it on a loop forever and ever...and pretty much did. it has all the casual cool of a '70s r&b song with the atmospheric elements of a psych-rock song, the garage-rock charm of an old-school strokes song, and the pop sheen of a top 40 song. the topic—global warming—is timely. plus, the way julian sings "this iiiis a faaaahhhntasyyyy" just really gets me going.
sidenote: i knew my immediate predilection was on point when i watched "the internet's busiest music nerd" anthony fantano's review of the album and he singled this out as his LEAST favorite(!!!). our taste is always compleeeetely opposite and his taste is always compleeeetely wack. meanwhile, fab, the band's drummer, says this is his favorite. so who are we to trust, hmm?
to that point, though, i feel like "eternal summer" is the type of song you either get or you don't. to my ears, it's weird and daring and brilliant in all the best ways, completely encapsulating what this year should have been and what this year actually was. carefree, windows-down verses, then ominous spirals into doom, then catchy "hey! yeah! oh!" percussive hooks and that euphorically groovy, filtered ending. I can't wait to hopefully drive around next summer in a state of beautiful, vaccinated normalcy with this one cranked to 11. life is such a funny journey.
