5 things i love right now

1. this song by before the king, "low expectations" (and the music video)



this tune is a total summer bop, no question about it. but what's even more fun is this video. i'm going to put this man on my vision board because he embodies my exact favorite type of energy in a person. i guarantee you that this guy dances like a goofball at weddings. he's the fun stranger you meet at a music festival or on vacation or at the bar that you end up hanging out all night with and that makes the whole experience better. he's the absolute opposite of a "bump on a log" aka my LEAST favorite type of person. okay, i'm obviously projecting here, but you get what i'm saying. crank it up!

2. the baby-sitter's club on netflix

like many of my fellow '90s children, i grew up devouring the entire baby-sitters club series by ann m. martin (and even the spinoff, the california diaries—anyone remember that? bueller?), but i was still a little wary when i heard about the tv series and was thinking it would be a girl meets world situation where it's, uh, geared toward young'ns rather than the folks like me who remember the original. i was pleasantly surprised to find that it bridges the gap; i thought it was accessible for all ages, but i didn't feel elderly watching it—except when i realized alicia silverstone was playing kristy's mom. yes, we're that old, guys! they kept the storylines pretty faithful to the books while adding a modern twist, which was nice, too. also, claudia's style is still so fiiiiire.

3. random people's retro home videos

one of my favorite quarantine discoveries has been old footage from the '60s, '70s, and '80s on youtube. it's a beautiful, hilarious treasure trove of human experience! in particular, this day in the life of two bill-and-ted-esque hooligans is just delightful:



there's also this slice of life from a 7-11 in 1987:



great stuff.

4. anthony kiedis' autobiography, scar tissue

i've never been particularly attached to the red hot chili peppers—though, as you may have seen recently on twitter, anthony kiedis in the "under the bridge" video was my first celebrity crush when i was around five. the long hair, the tattoos, the lack of shirt, and the running all burned themselves into my brain in a most favorable manner back then. and i'm also low-key fascinated and obsessed with john frusciante because he's a fucking insane player. i'm aware that RHCP are one of those bands that get a lot of hate and shit by music critics and snobby fans; some justifiably so, some not IMO. i personally enjoy quite a bit of their stuff, though there's certainly a major nostalgia factor there. i can still close my eyes and see myself in my friend's den in 1999, watching the "around the world" video because MTV played it a bazillion times a day.

anyway, this book came out in 2004 but i'm on the waitlist for flea's autobiography, so i figured i'd just go on a chili peppers binge and bang this one out too. despite not being super into the band, on a personal level, it's actually a pretty fascinating peek behind the curtain of this musician who's been in the periphery of my life for so long. plus, beyond the standard sex, drugs (and drugs, and drugs) and rock 'n roll, there's a lot of great gossip and dirt, which is always fun with a book of this kind. really engaging so far.

oh! one weird thing i do is try and determine my top five songs for any "legendary" rock band, and i realized i hadn't for the chilis, so here goes. it's quite random. 1. knock me down 2. can't stop 3. soul to squeeze 4. scar tissue 5. fortune faded. i'd love to debate if anyone has the urge. and despite being the best song, "knock me down" has the dumbest, worst, most tacky 1989 video everrrrr.



5.  this converted dairy barn in rhode island

not a bad place to be stuck at home, i'd reckon.

the best of: forgotten emails

i listened to an episode of the cut's podcast a couple months ago that was all about the ghosts of inboxes past: ancient emails, both received and sent. this is extremely my shit, obviously, so i went hunting for some gems. feel free to share your own in the comments!


WE HAVE:


a ridiculously tacky rejection email...

Tue, Jan 5, 2016, 1:06 PM

Hi Kim Windyka,

Thank you for taking the time to talk with me about our Copywriter position. You probably won’t like this news but we’ve got a few candidates who are a better match for the role and we’re confident one of them will find a new home here.

Please keep an eye out for other opportunities as you seem like someone we’d like onboard eventually.

Stay optimistic!

 --------------

a delightfully random exchange with a total stranger...

Sat, Aug 13, 2011, 10:09 AM

Hi,

I visited my sister in Portsmouth last week.  One day Amity and her Odd Showroom were featured in the daily newspaper in an article about how she designed a dress for a movie premiere, for the wife of the Cowboys and Aliens director.  Anyway, I went to the Odd Showroom and bought a shirt that day.  Then, this morning I did a quick Amity related Google and came across a blog of yours about how much you like Portsmouth and that you had stopped by her store.  You seem interesting so I thought I'd say hello.  I live in Calabasas, California.  Seems like you live in Florida.  I'm not sure.  I've really only spent about 3 minutes reading your various posts, but you caught my eye.

Aug 13, 2011, 11:21 AM

Hey, Ben!

Indeed, I actually moved to Orlando for grad school just about two weeks ago from Boston (though I'm originally from NH, hence my love for Portsmouth!). If I recall, I think that blog was from a few years back so that's funny that it still showed up! 

That's awesome news about Amity, I haven't been to the store in a couple years now but I always really liked it. What do you do out there in Calabasas?

Sat, Aug 13, 2011, 11:55 AM

Kim,

Amity's store was a bit of a scene that day since a lot of people were there fresh from reading the paper.

I'm an elementary school teacher.  I don't have a position for the fall.  This morning I'm studying for a test that will hopefully get me placed in a special ed classroom with the district here.

From where I am in Calabasas it is a short drive through the canyon to Malibu and Surfrider beach.  I always see this guy there with Florida plates and occasionally a Florida sweatshirt.  He runs a surfing camp.  He's great with the kids.  So, all summer that is what I think about when I think of Florida. 

What are you up to in grad school?  Do you like Florida so far?

Sat, Aug 13, 2011, 9:45 PM

Very cool, a few of my friends up in Boston are teachers - I could never have the patience!

Classes actually don't start for me until the 22nd so I'm in a bit of a weird limbo since I don't know anyone here yet, so I've just been exploring and trying to enjoy my time off before the work starts! I'll be studying mass communications, though. 

Florida is a total culture shock for sure, but that's mainly why I decided to give it a whirl...I figure now's the time to do something like this and it'll be an adventure if nothing else. I'm a bit homesick for New England but I guess that comes with the territory! 

Wed, Aug 17, 2011, 12:24 AM

I think mass communications is an exciting thing to be doing in grad school... I bet you could end up with some great jobs down the road.

I discovered lots of cool things the last couple hours after first finding out about the comedian Jordan Rubin, and then his podcast, and then an episode with Rob Delaney.  That led to exploring the Tweets they were reading.  I'm suddenly closer to signing up for Twitter.  Listening to the podcast was this interesting flurry of connections in discovering new funny people and funny comments and then hearing that this guy's wife is a teacher, and then all the sudden Twitter was suddenly seeming so funny and viable for me to follow on... So far the only Tweets on my radar over the last several years pretty much have been athlete related.  

Anyway, I remembered that you're on Twitter and I thought of that for a second.  Believe it or not I really didn't look at your Tweets or webpage for more than a few seconds the other day, but seeing stuff you "said" like the Kelly Rowland song Motivation, mentioning mmmbopping the Hanson brother and how he has fiddy kids, and you and your glass of wine jumped right out at me as you being someone with a good attitude!

Good luck working through new Floridaness and New England homesickness... and Have fun!

 --------------

the sweetest thanks-but-no-thanks from a literary agency (and the very FIRST i ever queried with my work!)

Mon, Aug 11, 2014, 12:53 PM

Dear Kim,

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider your work.  We've had a chance to read and discuss [Potential Book Title], and while your stories are funny, clever, and smart, we’re sorry to say that we don't think it is right for us at this time. 

Publishing is a tough business, and the response of any individual agent—or indeed dozens of agents—is not necessarily a comment on the inherent value of the project. Every agent has individual tastes and individual business requirements. We wish you the best of luck in finding the right path to publication.

 

---------------

 a hilarious match.com proposal from a man in his 50s:

Date received: August 08, 2009

Subject: A compliment from DC

I don’t usually write to someone who is so much younger than myself, but you are seemingly much different than the average run of the mill young woman.  

Your feet seem so firmly planted on terra firma. You appear to be bright and cheerful and willing to stick your toe into new and exciting waters. I like curiosity in a person, and of course you are just lovely.

I am a cheerful, fit, fun, thoughtful, and emotionally well adjusted man. I take each day on its own merits. There is always something new to discover and a new path to follow wherever it might lead. I am a curious traveler, an innovative cook, a man whose talents are now given to writing fiction and whose favorite physical activities are tennis, hiking, biking, and gardening. Toss in a trip to a museum, the theater opera and you start to get a clear picture of the man behind the keyboard in cyberspace.

Yes, there is an age gap between us. However, somehow, a little voice tells me that you march to your own drummer; that you might be someone who is inclined toward living her life a little out of the ordinary box and be interested overcoming the great American taboo concerning older/younger friendships.

So...please do review my profile and if the spirit moves you, I'd love to hear back from you.

Ciao bella,

Steve

 ------------------

an urgent, very 2010 plea from a friend:

Wed, Jan 27, 2010, 3:45 PM

via a twist of fate, I now have a burned copy of Ke$ha's album.  you need to hear "party at a rich dude's house"

------------------

an epic AIM conversation i saved, in which a friend and i were having the time of our lives coming up with roller derby names:

alloverober (1:33:07 PM): Julia Rob-hurts

polkadotpanic (1:33:10 PM): hahahaha

alloverober (1:33:50 PM): are there any guys?

polkadotpanic (1:33:52 PM): nope

alloverober (1:33:53 PM): Bruise Willis

polkadotpanic (1:33:56 PM): hahah

polkadotpanic (1:33:58 PM): i already decided

polkadotpanic (1:34:00 PM): my name

polkadotpanic (1:34:06 PM): will be punchy bruiser

alloverober (1:34:09 PM): haha

alloverober (1:34:11 PM): thats good

alloverober (1:34:40 PM): The Brady Punch

polkadotpanic (1:34:43 PM): hahaha

polkadotpanic (1:34:49 PM): i'm trying to think of a lindsay lohan one

alloverober (1:35:06 PM): Lindsey Lowhands

alloverober (1:35:08 PM): please

polkadotpanic (1:35:08 PM): hahah

alloverober (1:35:13 PM): you're better than that

alloverober (1:35:14 PM): ha

polkadotpanic (1:35:16 PM): true

polkadotpanic (1:35:34 PM): Jennifer Harm-her

alloverober (1:36:44 PM): HA

alloverober (1:37:53 PM): Jessica Elbow

alloverober (1:38:29 PM): Jessical Hell-ba?

polkadotpanic (1:38:45 PM): lol, hmmm yeah that second one works better i think

alloverober (1:40:53 PM): Hit-Me Spears?

polkadotpanic (1:40:56 PM): hahahah

polkadotpanic (1:40:58 PM): yes

alloverober (1:43:01 PM): Bette Hitler

alloverober (1:43:03 PM): haha

alloverober (1:43:04 PM): too far?

polkadotpanic (1:43:06 PM): hahaha

polkadotpanic (1:43:08 PM): lil' bit

alloverober (1:43:52 PM): Dionne War-Wack

polkadotpanic (1:43:56 PM): hahahaha

polkadotpanic (1:43:57 PM): love it

polkadotpanic (1:44:37 PM): Paula Ab-duel

polkadotpanic (1:44:45 PM): though that's hard when it's just spoken

polkadotpanic (1:44:45 PM): haha

polkadotpanic (1:46:02 PM): Pummel-a Anderson

alloverober (1:46:12 PM): NICE!

polkadotpanic (1:46:17 PM): hahaha

polkadotpanic (1:51:22 PM): the best one i read yesterday

polkadotpanic (1:51:29 PM): was "sandra day o'clobber"

alloverober (1:53:14 PM): haha

alloverober (1:53:15 PM): ha

polkadotpanic (1:54:05 PM): so good

polkadotpanic (1:54:23 PM): Kicki Lake

alloverober (1:54:36 PM): haha

alloverober (1:54:43 PM): i was just trying to think of one for her

polkadotpanic (1:54:53 PM): yeah right

polkadotpanic (1:54:53 PM): hahaha

polkadotpanic (1:57:29 PM): Katherine Hata-Jones

alloverober (1:57:42 PM): thats good

polkadotpanic (1:57:42 PM): or Catherine

alloverober (1:57:43 PM): real good

polkadotpanic (1:57:44 PM): whatever it is

polkadotpanic (1:57:48 PM): hahaha

polkadotpanic (1:57:51 PM): i could do this all day

polkadotpanic (1:57:54 PM): and might

polkadotpanic (1:58:22 PM): Florence Fightengale

alloverober (1:58:25 PM): haha

alloverober (1:58:28 PM): haa

alloverober (1:58:34 PM): you've found your calling.

polkadotpanic (1:58:41 PM): i may have.

alloverober (2:00:32 PM): got a meeting

alloverober (2:00:32 PM): but

alloverober (2:00:36 PM): Mary Choppins?

polkadotpanic (2:00:39 PM): hahhaha

polkadotpanic (2:00:40 PM): yes

alloverober (2:19:16 PM): HEY!

alloverober (2:19:18 PM): you there

polkadotpanic (2:19:22 PM): HELLO!

alloverober (2:19:27 PM): Erin Break-a-Bitch

polkadotpanic (2:19:32 PM): hahahahahaha

polkadotpanic (2:19:33 PM): AWESOME

polkadotpanic (2:19:38 PM): OR

polkadotpanic (2:19:44 PM): Clock-a-Bitch

alloverober (2:19:45 PM): Broke?

alloverober (2:19:49 PM): Clock

alloverober (2:19:49 PM): ha

alloverober (2:20:00 PM): send that one to Mikey

polkadotpanic (2:20:01 PM): good stuff

alloverober (2:20:02 PM): he'll love it

polkadotpanic (2:20:18 PM): sent

polkadotpanic (2:20:20 PM): he went to get lunch

polkadotpanic (2:20:26 PM): but he'll enjoy the brilliance when he returns

polkadotpanic (2:24:03 PM): Harmin' San Diego

alloverober (2:24:36 PM): NICE

alloverober (2:25:04 PM): Audrey Floorburns?

polkadotpanic (2:25:21 PM): hahaha

alloverober (2:25:26 PM): team name

alloverober (2:25:31 PM): Third Glock from the Sun

polkadotpanic (2:25:35 PM): hahaha

polkadotpanic (2:25:36 PM): nice

polkadotpanic (2:25:58 PM): The Smacks of Life

alloverober (2:26:15 PM): Groin Pains

alloverober (2:26:15 PM): haha

alloverober (2:26:17 PM): sorry!@

alloverober (2:26:19 PM): sorry!

alloverober (2:26:25 PM): couldnt resist

polkadotpanic (2:26:27 PM): hahahaha

alloverober (2:28:30 PM): Claire Hucks-Tables

polkadotpanic (2:28:35 PM): ahahahha

polkadotpanic (2:28:52 PM): "hate" is an easy one to use

polkadotpanic (2:28:54 PM): hatey perry

alloverober (2:28:57 PM): yeah

alloverober (2:29:03 PM): Hatey Benjamin

alloverober (2:29:04 PM): haha

polkadotpanic (2:29:07 PM): hahaha

polkadotpanic (2:29:14 PM): wait i NEED to find out what her derby name was

polkadotpanic (2:32:47 PM): Hilary Ruff

polkadotpanic (2:35:08 PM): janet hackson

 ------------------
 the best response to my craigslist post looking for a roommate:

Wed, Aug 25, 2010, 10:02 AM

Hi There,

My name is Regina and I'm a Flight attendant for jetblue airways of 5 years. I'm 28 years old. I live at _______ nowin boston. Just left my bf. I work about 15 days a month and gone alot!!!  My hobbies include, passion for skiing as I'm a serious skier and traveller. I spend a lot of time at the gym and runnning. I dont really drink much but may have a glass of wine on occasion. I like to cook as well!!! I'm in a motorcyle club as well and ride my bike whenever possile.  I'm clean and neat and like i said very laid back.  I do have a car and a motorcycle.  If we could work on the rent, since i would be part-time I could offer you guy buddy passes on jetblue as needed!!!  hello...great deal! I'm from KY orginally, and have plenty of refrences. I just broke up with my bf like i said and need to move on.. I;m  a great part-time roomate with not that much stuff, bed night stand tv, and need to get a small dresser and small storage for my ski gear as i ski on all on my off days and travel on them too 

Below is my resume for addt. info on me and attached pictures as well.

remembering the brendan leonard show

strange as it may sound, i credit some of my favorite musical discoveries to a bad wendy’s cheeseburger and a gang of dorky midwestern teenagers.

i don’t remember the exact date, nor what else i did that day (aside from having wendy's for lunch). i do remember, however, that it was the summer of 2003, that the weather was miserably hot and sticky, and that i'd somehow weaseled out of getting a "real" job by picking up a ton of babysitting gigs with children who pinched, tormented, and lied to me. retail probably would have been a field day. 

as babysitters went, i wasn't the greatest. sure, the kids loved me because i rapped them eminem instead of singing them lullabies and turned a blind eye and deaf ear when they traipsed around upstairs long after their bedtimes. but i also temporarily lost a pet rabbit, backed my car into a tree, and set off the smoke detector while trying to microwave popcorn. but, it got me by and allowed me to live a life of leisure for a few months.

anyway, there i was, feeling queasy on the couch at my parents' house after eating a tainted JBC. i started flipping through channels and stopped on ABC family (now called freeform or some bull). a group of awkward teenage boys who looked neither like TV stars—nor like they were acting—goofed around, ribbing each other and making bad jokes. it was weirdly, refreshingly unpolished, and if i didn’t know any better, i would have thought i was watching a cable access show. which, i found out later, was how the show began.

(this intro will forever give me ALL OF THE WARM FUZZIES and make me crack the biggest smile)

as it went to commercial break, i learned that i was watching the brendan leonard show. brendan, the son of journalist mike leonard, had parlayed his chicago cable access show into a summer slot on every teen’s favorite cable channel. like a more wholesome jackass with a quirky twist, the understated, down-to-earth nature of BLS quickly won me (and a small but dedicated legion of my peers) over. there were no special effects, the production was bare-bones, and the show relied completely on the cast members and skit concepts to make it all work. some ideas fared better than others, but it was always real, and almost always amusing; the “spatulas” bit remains one of my favorites:

the show aired every weekday for that whole summer, and many episodes had a “band of the day” whose songs provided the soundtrack for each skit. these included superchunk, jets to brazil, ted leo & the pharmacists, the promise ring, built to spill, and guided by voices. like, were these the coolest fucking high school kids ever or what? while i was familiar with a few of them prior to watching the show, every day presented the opportunity for a new, awesome band to enter my life—many of whom I still listen to frequently (arlo, the plus ones, and the long winters, to name a few). 

while many shows with great music have come and gone over the past 16 years, none aligned quite so perfectly with both my sense of humor and taste in music. it was sadly canceled after that summer (though the boys went on to do some hilarious shorts a few years later—including my favorite, "the gods of pogs," below), but the summer of the brendan leonard show will forever hold a very special place in my heart. thanks, wendy's!

revisiting the best summer of all time

i'm not sure what makes some summers more magical than others, but it's totally a thing. a delicate balance of experiences, people, and music come together and create the perfect set of memories that become what you eventually (or, now) refer to as "the good old days." and the summer of 2010, my friends, was that for me.

it began with my 24th birthday, which i inexplicably celebrated twice. once with an extremely new england family trip to mystic, connecticut filled with tons of seafood, ice cream, and beach-laying, and again with my friends. we went glow-in-the-dark bowling, and then migrated next door to rain, malden's most delightfully sketchy nightclub, where we danced—whiskey sours in hand—to taio cruz and jay sean on the light-up dance floor while go-go dancers gyrated in cages above us. clearly, things were already off to a good start. then, a couple weeks later, i went to see the backstreet boys at mohegan sun with this girl from my book club that i barely knew and who i'm pretty sure was a vampire. i wonder what happened to her...

i was also happily settled into my first job out of college as a copywriter at a travel company, writing ads and generally feeling like i had a handle on life. my coworkers were awesome, and we'd frequently go out for brazilian barbeque at this delicious hole-in-the-wall in downtown woburn or to a no-frills roast beef place we referred to as "guns and beef" because of the decor. 

plus, i was living in my favorite apartment to date (that is, until the one i just moved into last week). it was a converted attic in a huge victorian house in melrose, with a roof deck, central air, in-unit laundry, and a fucking turret in the living room. yeah, i had a roommate, but i didn't know how good i had it, man! the town was so picturesque, and i loved wandering the little downtown.

the fun continued with a ridiculous day in which my friend kari and i went to the dew tour—a less prestigious x-games—and then went to rain nightlife (again) to meet the situation from jersey shore, at which time i accidentally photobombed him.

for the 4th of july, i went to new york city—mainly because i'd won a two-night stay at a doubletree hotel at my office christmas party, and one of the qualifying properties was the one in times square. the night i got in ended up being one of the most ridiculous nights of my life, and involved a visit to all of the bars in the standard hotel with my friends jeff and jacob. there was the boom boom room, where i took a selfie on the toilet because i couldn't deal with my life, some rooftop bar with astroturf where i just sat in a lawn chair feeling extremely drunk, and le bain, where there was a goddamn hot tub with naked hipsters in the middle of the dance floor.

unsurprisingly, i paid dearly for my fabulous new york city evening the next morning, though i did have to chuckle at the fact that vomiting violently in my times square suite was almost akin to kevin mcallister gorging himself on ice cream sundaes in home alone 2. sort of. i recovered by lunchtime and went to see rock of ages on broadway with gleni, which was absolutely delightful and still among my favorite musicals. then we had dinner on the patio of a cute mexican restaurant in brooklyn.

jeff dragged me to hoboken on the actual 4th of july, which i protested vehemently, because jersey. naturally, i ended up loving it. we had a low-key gathering with burgers at our college friend's apartment with some other marist folk before going to see the fireworks on the water. i vividly remember watching/making fun of the music video for "my first kiss" by ke$ha and 3OH!3, a song that i'm pretty sure i haven't thought about since 2010 but is a total jam.

lol remember when cake boss was a thing

a few weeks later, i flew to vegas for my friend's bachelorette party, and discovered that seven girls on one trip is WAY TOO MANY. despite all of the drama, we barely paid for a thing and had some great times: hanging out in a caesar's palace pool with junior seau (RIP), partying with rich kids from north carolina (and their rich uncle), and seeing the beatles cirque show.

one of my best friends, alissa, got VIP tickets to see O.A.R., who i hate, but it was free and it was  nice night for an outdoor concert, so whatever. the best part of the show (and the only thing i remember) was when the dude-bro in front of us, high on a combination of various substances, just ralphed on himself in the middle of the show.

finally, my friend tati came up from albany to go to the something corporate reunion show with me and it was a perfectly emo evening as the summer came to a close.

now i'm about to cry because i feel old and like summers aren't fun anymore, so let's all reminisce together. 

what was your favorite summer?

where are they now? do i even care?

you know those d-thru-z-list celebs who occasionally pop into your head, that you don't have the energy and/or interest to research? i've got a bunch. in no particular order, i've wondered what happened to the following folks at some point, but have absolutely no desire to type their name into my google search bar:

da brat

leif garrett

former mtv vj jesse camp:

while we're at it, former mtv vj ray munns:

and, because i'm on an mtv roll, that redhead that co-hosted say what? karaoke with dave holmes (i think her name was laura, but can't even find a picture)

sisqo

the nerdy guy from can't hardly wait/jack from hook

the boy band 5ive

samantha mumba:



the pizza guy from home alone

christian oliver, who played some cute swiss guy in the babysitters club movie and was in some reincarnation of saved by the bell (i think):

moira quirk, the referee from GUTS

mystikal

juvenile

devon gummersall, aka brian krakow from my so-called life

meg white

lou bega

everyone from the ghostwriter cast

evan and jaron:



ryan cabrera

the nerdy guy from sixteen candles who wasn't anthony michael hall or john cusack:

who are your picks?!

ye olde halloween

halloween is actually my 2nd favorite holiday, right behind thanksgiving. it involves food (well, candy, which is the best food), fun costumes, and a little bit of scariness. every year, i get a bit nostalgic for the old days of trick-or-treating and coming home to sort through my loot while watching some spooky movie or tv show. below are just a handful of random things that come to mind when i think about the scariest day of the year during my childhood. what are your favorite halloween memories?

still scares the crap out of me:



a fine, fun movie:

the trick or treat accessory with the most swag:

the worst halloween candy:

the best halloween special: