oh bandz, you so silly

okay, so i'm like 6+ months late on blogging about this, but i've just recently come to accept that i think sillybandz - the silicone bracelets shaped like dinosaurs, giraffes, guitars, and pretty much anything else that you can form silicone into - are pretty fantastic. yes, i know i just wrote about the fact that i'm secretly 40 years old, but i'm apparently also 13. my love for the 'bandz has most definitely been an acquired taste, however.

my first encounter with them was at a yuppy lounge in boston, of all places, called lucky's. after a nice dinner with a rat pack-esque man crooning in the background, my gal pals and i wandered over to the more hoppin' bar side, and met a 20-something guy with some curious day-glo colored bands around his wrist. none of us, myself included, had ever seen these strange things before, and my rum and coke-addled brain still didn't fully process the concept until the next day. all i knew was that he got these things "from a girl" (calling chris hansen, anyone?) and decided to play a game. if we could successfully guess which animal would appear when he removed one of the silly bandz from his wrist, he would buy us each a drink. all sounded well and good, except for the fact that after each guess, he would fling the band into the crowded bar in order to avoid paying for our cocktails. to his credit, he eventually gave in and got us beers (le sigh), but i was still intrigued by these strange new accessories.

cut to the boston dew tour a few weeks later, when upon wandering around the "festival village", filled with tweens and crap that no one needs, i was approached by a woman giving out free skateboard silly bandz. now, if this wasn't just the most awesome thing i'd ever seen, i didn't know what was. i put it on my wrist and it was love ever since.

currently, it's still the only one i have as i'm still working up the courage to buy a pack on my own free will. i also just found out that hanson is even selling the friggin' things on their site so you know i'm all up in that. someone reel me back in!

teach me how to dougie.

so, apparently i'm wayyy behind the curve, as i JUST heard about the latest dance craze, "the dougie", a little over a week ago. nevermind that the gal who taught me how to dougie was terribly misguided, as my youtube spree the next day would quickly demonstrate (i guess that's what you get when trying to learn a hip-hop dance in an irish pub in malden). but i don't think the creators of the dougie, a rap group called cali swag district, even know how to do the damn thing! even the "how-to" video, supposedly with a step-by-step tutorial, leaves me going "what are the steps?!"

until i saw the video of chris brown dougie-ing, that is. i don't care how you do it or if there is a way to do it, cali swag district. chris brown's version is the only one i ever wanna know or learn. makes me almost forget that he beat up rihanna. ALMOST. i literally said "ohhh, booooy!" aloud. so for all of you just DYING to learn how to dougie....this is your chance. watch and learn, girls and boys.

shhhh...i'm really 40 years old.

okay, OBVIOUSLY joking, but as my friends will attest, i call myself an "old woman" or say that i'm "40 years old" at least once a week. and a small part of my legitimately often wonders if i was born into the wrong generation. because despite my immense love for 90s boy bands and shows like "boy meets world" those pop cultural-leanings are just about the only connection i feel to my generation as a whole. let me explain.

first, grunge and i are kindred spirits. i still contend that, if i were truly 40, i would have lived through the prime of my teenage years during the 80s hair band craze, and i could have gotten all of the day-glo, acid-wash and aquanet out of my hair (literally) by the time my more mature 20s rolled around. PERFECT. by then, i'd be more into sipping coffee while wearing flannel, dating a kurt cobain lookalike and listening to alice in chains anyways. inexplicably, in complete contrast to my normally bubbly and sunshiney personality, i get so much joy out of listening to "nearly lost you" by screaming trees, acting morose and pretending it's 1992. weird, huh? if only they still made ZIMA...

i also love doing boring old lady things. watching my "programs" while drinking a cup of tea and doing a crossword puzzle in the evening? heaven. okay, maybe this brings me up to somewhere around 80, but stick with me. i still love wilin' out, going dancing and and having a generally grand ol' time, but some nights i want nothing more than to go out to a buffet dinner, pop some apple crisp in the oven, and watch the tube.

add to that the fact that i a) don't go tanning b) usually go out in flats and/or kitten heels no higher than 2 inches and c) truly enjoy cracklin' oat bran, chocolate-covered plum bites and tapioca pudding...and i stand by my argument.

now excuse me, i need to see the end of "chronicle".

anthony bourdain: ultimate DILF

as much as i love each member of the trifecta of traveling, eating men whose names begin with 'a', anthony bourdain has had my heart -- and my undying lust -- for as long as i can remember (sorry, adam richman and andrew zimmern). he's one of the few men i'd probably give a limb to spend an evening with...and DEFINITELY the only one over 50 (sorry, hugh laurie). as my hilar mom so succinctly summarized my intrigue with tony,

"you love anthony bourdain because he's a manly man, he's a drunk, he smokes, and he's always eating. but he's witty."

probably couldn't have said it better myself. and as i watch the "no reservations" marathon on this lovely labor day in preparation for the 100th episode, i decided to reflect on the few actual things i learned from mr. bourdain when i wasn't too busy rolling off the couch laughing at his latest witticism.

1. the best food ever is always sold on the street.

tony's in ecuador. he's eating tripe stew that was slung off of a random cart! tony's in puerto rico. he's chowing down on mofongo that was apparently whipped up in a pick-up truck! i don't know if it's the addition of dirt, grime, and gasoline that give these dishes an extra kick, but hey, if a world-class chef is eating it, it's gotta be good. right?

2. the nether regions of animals are impossibly delicious.

i didn't realize it until i started watching the show, but eating bull testicles and cow penises and the like is at least somewhat common in other countries. either that or bourdain just has a strange fetish for twigs and berries. and from his apparent enjoyment of these, uh, delicacies, they look like they taste pretty darn good. bucket list item? perhaps.

3. you should have a friend in every single country, ever.

yes, i know that travel channel probably arranges for most of these international "hosts" in every episode that whisk tony around, invite him to dinner in their mud huts and force him to endure at least one strange physical challenge per visit. but he totally plays it off like he's known these randoms forever - telling dirty jokes, taking a genuine interest in their stories, etc. etc. and why not? i'd love to be able to jump from place to place with the promise of a total cultural immersion with crazy strangers i'd never met before.

you keep on keepin' on, tony.